....oh, those 2 men and those damn diverged woods. SMH. It seems that the woods are no longer diverged; but merely 1 path through a forest. At the end of the path stands the man who loves me (hereinafter, "Mr. Y"), for i have said goodbye to the one i love (hereinafter, "Mr. X").
I am FINALLY free from the emotional torture, and shame that came from being w/ Mr. X. So now, its Me and Mr. Y sitting on a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
FINALLY come the "i love you"s, "i miss you"s, "i need you"s. Except my responses to them are "thanks" followed by a fake smile & shrugg.
"will you be mine?" he asks.
"Sure" i sigh.
"i can be all you and peanut ever need. forget him." he claims.
"Sure" i internally cry.
"You're all i've ever wanted. Be my girl" he begs.
"Sure"
UGHHH when will i say NO. How can i be so ungrateful to a man whose lifted me up everytime Mr. X knocked me down? How can i break someone's heart the why mine was broken? How? How do i say No, its Mr. X and not you that gives me goosebumps when he touches me, that I think of, that I miss. *shruggs* I can't. I'm indebted to him. Besides, its not like Mr. X is going to magically come & vie for my affection. PFT. He would never. He would never come to me and say "Jay i want you to be with me and no one else." How do i say no, i dont love u; but if we take it slow enough maybe i can learn to?! Simple...i just dont say no.
"Jay, I love you...." he exclaims.
with closed eyes and a smile, i say " I love you too, Mr. X"
With tears in his eyes, he lets me go....
FUCK. his name is Mr. Y. i guess i can say NO. I guess that was my version of NO. I gotta fix this cuz being with Mr. X again isn't an option despite my urge to. Lets see how i get out of this one...
TBC
Jay.
I plan to be someone's Mr. "Z". The end, if you will. The ultimate, but actually the beginning. Her catalyst for diving off of the alphabet entirely, while happily waving a middle finger to its 26 constituents, or limitations, depending on the observer. She will not want for linear progression, or stimulation, because I will touch her from every angle. Randomly, Succinctly, Lovingly, we will render traditional speech useless. Yet, we will speak, but only in ancient tongues. Those of men and angels, directly to one another's essence. She will never see me as a consolation prize. Ever...
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