Blind leading the blind..part deux

1. guys with no car, 4 roommates, and no job-are not to be fucked!!!!! sorry dudes, but this should be a wake up call to get your shit together! especially if you’re almost 30! get your own place! merry Christmas brother. Women of the world..UNITE! and collectively keep ur legs closed to all men who fit this criteria. They'll get the message. lol.

2. if he only texts back to your phone calls, move on. you’re better than that. :)

3. You can be a fat-ass like me and eat everything ur boyfriend eats; but word to the wise you will only gain weight! guys are a mysterious being that can eat whatever they like and never gain weight. at least the boys we are attracted to. you’re not trying to date the bitter clerk at the dmv who has a gut and dreams about raping you. I’m really sorry if you have someone dude in ur life that has a gut,works as a clerk at the dmv, or dreams of/or is currently raping you. seriously, i had no idea. I’m not looking to offend anyone. Seee...*smiles*

4. you’re not allowed to buy art at ikea! it is not a quick fix. ikea doesn’t sell art anyway! they sell mass produced posters! smh @ art posers!!

5. if he has a pair of sheets that you HATE, and you happen to be on your period..bleed on his sheets. *shruggs* In hindsight, it may be a bit embarrassing, but a small price to pay to get what you want. jk jk. no really....JAAYY KAAAYY.

6. social anxiety happens when you’re not supposed to be where you are! So develop a higher opinion of yourself, so anywhere you are is the place to be!

7. being scared and being nervous are choices! So just say NO and do not engage in these life debilitating/crippling choices!

8. if you get everything waxed off , don’t go running errands around town in a mini skirt. you’re vagina can’t be trusted anything could fly out of it at any moment. without cute undies to prevent this from happening, you could have an uber embarrassing accident while looking for soup on the top shelf of aisle six in the super market and there’s a stock boy below you, restocking soup cans.

9. Jesus, what was # 8 all about? that was random, riiiight??? lol. *shruggs* RANDOMOSITY: its a way of life.

10. the phrase is: “couldn’t care less”! NOT, “could care less”! for example: “i hate my ex boyfriend so much, i COULDN’T care less if he fucked another girl!” the point is, you care SO LITTLE, you can’t possibly care any less than you already do. this phrase is misused all the time. i think beyonce even used it incorrectly in her last single. SMH *shaking finger* Now, now, beyonce. Now, now.

I Wrote it Down

With not one barbie
Or dollhouse
I sat alone on my bed
With just a pencil
Loose leaf paper
And the thoughts in my head

Writing my life
Balling it up
And throwing it next
To the trash can
Wondering if my mother
Would pick up the pieces
And try to understand

...Why I Am Tainted...

Or why i painted
Pictures of things
I wouldn't let her see
And why I kept quiet
To protect her even though
She didn't protect me

From sleeping
In semen soiled sheets
Or
Having nightmares
While i wasn't asleep
Or
Her boyfriends' hands
Being all over me
Or
From feeling dirty
Even after bathing excessively

...I wrote it down...

So that someone would know
Even if it was a piece of paper
That had not ounce of life
Because neither did I
While laying there being molested
Thinking "how many times do i have to die"
And that wasn't even the beginning

Let me just go
In my room
And write
About how you don't give a fuck
About me
Is that alright?!

Because my voice
To her
Doesn't mean shit
I mean...
It's not that the bitch doesn't hear it
But even if she did she wouldn't listen
I mean but at least she's not calling me "little bitch" ...anymore.... right???
Even though
Now It's too late
Because I answer to that shit
Like it's my name

Even though it's a word
That i hate
But now i'm used to it
So who am i to complain
I'll just fucking write it down...

As i sit here with
With my head towards the ground
And the music
Playing in my headphones
Way too fucking loud
Writing about all the fucked up things
That no one really knows about me
Well that they know
But don't know
The reasoning
.
...Like...
.
How i don't know what love is
Because I've never had anything like that
Or because I've been raped so many times
I purposely have rough sex and i don't even like that
But I have no other choice
Because i don't know anything else
And i don't know what it feels like
To be made love to...
Unless i'm doing it by myself
And then i go and write it down
See My erotica is a scene
That will make one horny
But when i'm finished I go into the bathroom
And the tears just start flowing
Because i don't want to be fucked
But no one would know that
Because i didn't get to finish writing
What i had to say
I ended it
Before it turned into something emotional
But hey...
Fuck it...
Because I did write it down
But i wrote it down
On the loose leaf sheets
That no one in the world
Sees But me.
The loose leaf sheets
Where i write down
All the thoughts
That i have about me .

The suicidal thoughts That I go back
On occasion
And re-read
Just to keep from actually hurting me
Because Somebody Needs Me...
Right???
Okay I think Somebody Might ....
So I'll just write
So that i won't forget
Anything that happened
But can look back on these pieces of paper knowing
That this isn't the end
And I can see where i've been
But because of it I'll know where i'm going
Because I Wrote It Down . . .

Blind Leading the Blind...

Sooo due to popular demand i've decided to compile all my quirky notions and advice into a series that i affectionately entitle "blind leading the blind" . Every friday coming to a blog near you. so without further adeu ...i introduce..blind leading the blind *cueing curtain music*

1. Another world is not only possible, but she is on her way. on a quiet day i can hear her breathing. Think about it ppl! your tired of the same results happening in ur life? its not that the world is fucked up..its YOU!! fucked up ppl in UR life? bad finances in UR life? bad investments in UR life? common demonimator: UR life. YOU. there is something that you are doing or being (consciously or subconciously) that is producing the same results. Take ownership. Stop playing the victim. Victimology is SOOOO 2 seasons ago!!

2. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. Think about that one. If i had my choice there would be Louis Armstrong's "La Vie En Rue" playing everytime i saunteered somewhere lol.

3. it’s important to listen to the Beatles.

4. if a tree falls in the forest, it totally makes a sound.

5. if you are trimming your pubic hair with a scissors and you accidentally cut your labia and it is dangling from a thread……DON’T PANIC! i know it stings and sizzles and you can’t believe you did this to yourself, but you did. now get some neosporin and a band aid and say a prayer. it will probably join back together like they say worms do if you cut them in half. (or just go to the spa like i do duhhh) good luck.

6. all we have is our stories.

7. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. lol.

8. Guys, something a girl will never tell you..but step your head game up..smh. the more u make her cum, the more power you will have.

9. guys, make u girls a mix CD why don’t you? if you do this at the beginning of the relationship, that’s great…. but if you surprise her six months or a year into it, just because you can-just because you WANT to… she will freak the fuck out and drop to her knees just to thank you with some head... and if she DOESN’T…. you have my full permission to punch her in the face with your dick! but you’ll have to do it quick, because your erection will totally be fading! hey, i never claimed to be a role model. I’m just thinking out loud here.

10. They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck on the Grand Concourse. sigh.

Memoirs of an addict

What's your drug of choice?

He's mine.

ugh.

I need rehab.

*u kno ur a hot mess when ur not even referring to the person you're dating..smh*

I couldnt sleep last night...so i wrote ::shruggs::

Position this jaded pallid body

On the fluid silken sheets

Of your pallet of misrepresentations…

That’s right…

I found a way to make your

Bed of lies…

Beautiful… I

sn’t that what women do?

We make our toxic relationships…

Pretty…

See when you

Kiss me with your

Excuses and justifications…

I call it passion…

How does the scent of sorrow

Smell so sweet in my nostrils yet

Taste so acidic upon my tongue?

Cascading solvent ecstasy…

Liquid affliction masked by

Reassuring gratification…

Allurement of intimate riches…

You…

Camouflage your

Executions of chicanery

So eloquently…

Lying lips lick love so lightly and

Make loyalty look so likely…

Erasing and eliminating

Fearful faithlessness…

Until…

I cry out…

Supplications…

Begging for you to…

Please…just stay…

Abide here…

Immortally…

And all will be fine…

Until your next

Unfaithful endeavor…just…

Position this jaded pallid body

Upon the fluid silken sheets

Of your pallet of misrepresentations…

Kiss me with your

Excuses and justifications…

And listen to these Hope{LESS} sighs…

As you work your magic…

What you do to me…

Is a travesty…

But I let you do it…

Again and again…

My mind telling me to

Ask you where you’ve been but

All that comes out is

Breathless cries between

Erotic sighs of…. …

“damn baby… Yes…right…there…”

As you run masculine fingers Through silken hair…

And you whisper a faux “I adore you baby…”

In my ear…

And I want to say…

“What’s my name…?”

Not because I’m vain…

No…because I want to see

If you’ll fuck up…because I

Think you call us all baby

As a safety net…just in case you

Mess up and forget which

Pussy you’re in…

See…I have to fight the urge to

Lose my class and sensibility

Lose the woman in me…

And realize… It’s you pullin’ the fuckery

And the tomfoolery…

And even though I see her face

As I look in your eyes…

I can’t resist you…

As you grip the hips

That almost bore a child for you…

Yet you…

Continue to do

These things that you do…

When you lay me down…

In this bed of lies.

Rightfully [w]rite

When you write, why do you write?
Do you write for the sake of rhyme
Or for the sake of write or is that right?

I'll [Write] Love to you...

I want this poem to feel like....
the first time you closed your eyes
and
let me inside
you poetically....
see I'm missing you metaphorically
and historically
I've spent too much lusting
and not enough loving
so would you mind
if we turn back the hands of time
and embrace
seeing the realness in my face
as I humbly enter this space
where most
don't get to taste
and not waste
opportunity
I want you feeling me
needing me
hungrily
taking in everything that is me
in this poetry
and fall in so deep
til you remember what made you read me
in the first place
so can we replay first taste?
just throw egos away
let the words have their way
untl we remember
what made us cum together
the first write..
let's write love like....
two writers
experiencing erotics for the virgin
putting emphasis perfect in verses
translating
a lost language until famished
heavily spent then collapsing notebooks
with sweetest looks
saying
satisfied
with these love written rhymes.

If you want to fall in love, and you’ve had bad luck in the past, or you’re just unclear/not sure about what you want in someone……Make a wish list! it helps you be clear & to specify what actually matters to you! Here’s mine:

He’s a facilitator of dreams
he makes me laugh sooo much
he listens to me & actually likes to listen to what i have been storing up in my mind
he is my friend
he’s the most gorgeous sexy man I’ve ever seen
he’s extremely smart
he’s charming
he’s great in social situations
non-smoker
he drinks every once in a while

he’s successful & loves the work that he does
he’s funny
he’s witty
he’s quick-witted
he’s very stylish
i make him laugh
he doesn’t make me angry
we make each others lives BETTER
i am his best friend
he is my best friend
he's a sexual innovator-creative & adventurous
i have no desire to cheat
he has no desire to cheat
we look great together
i love how i see myself through his eyes
to him, i am the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen
he totally gets my sense of humor
i totally get his sense of humor
he’s cool
he’s not a poser
he’s confident
he knows who he is
he inspires me
i inspire him

*YES, i know i rambled and said very BIG grandiose things! but who cares! love is crazy and exciting and amazing! and I’d rather dream big, rather than small! xoxo

I am elevated homie, you are elementary...

I'm back!!! whew lots going on!! Traveling, court cases, social obligations, organizational commitments, dance-a-thon, other community service projects...ARRRGGGHHH!! noooo time!! Most of 2009 was spent walking blindly on a cliff trying to avoid falling off. Now I'm sitting down on the edge of the cliff, enjoying the breeze and looking at the beautiful landscape. What has changed?! Well I haven't changed. It would be a bit "after school special" of me to say that I've changed. I am who I am. But my perception of things has changed. And from that change, has opened a world of compassion, forgiveness and inner peace. Normally, i'd be inclined to equate those three words with weakness; but it takes a far STRONGER person to forgive & help the fellow human, regardless of the wrong that person has done to you. Particularly, if you at one point cared about them.

Today I told someone I missed them. Single-handedly one of the most scariest things I've had to do (and ive lived thru some crazy stuff) lol What i've truly learned is that who ever the other person chooses to be, it should NEVER alter who YOU are. For example, with my example, I missed someone. Normally, I would never tell them "i miss you" out of fear of not hearing it back. But that was wrong. Why should my feelings and my actions be dictated on others' feelings & reactions?! i pride myself on being a leader, and thats not being a leader. All this sounds like good talk rite?! lol yea, i thought so too. Until i grew some balls and put it to the test...i.e..me telling this person i missed them. And as i expected, i didnt hear it back. But ehh thats ok, because i was still true to myself and my feelings :) such is life.

whew..*wiping sweat* now that i got the deep stuff outta the way..I MISSED YA!! Countdown to halloween..WOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOTTTTT WWWOOOooooooOOOOTTTT!! Florida this thursday....