1. guys with no car, 4 roommates, and no job-are not to be fucked!!!!! sorry dudes, but this should be a wake up call to get your shit together! especially if you’re almost 30! get your own place! merry Christmas brother. Women of the world..UNITE! and collectively keep ur legs closed to all men who fit this criteria. They'll get the message. lol.
2. if he only texts back to your phone calls, move on. you’re better than that. :)
3. You can be a fat-ass like me and eat everything ur boyfriend eats; but word to the wise you will only gain weight! guys are a mysterious being that can eat whatever they like and never gain weight. at least the boys we are attracted to. you’re not trying to date the bitter clerk at the dmv who has a gut and dreams about raping you. I’m really sorry if you have someone dude in ur life that has a gut,works as a clerk at the dmv, or dreams of/or is currently raping you. seriously, i had no idea. I’m not looking to offend anyone. Seee...*smiles*
4. you’re not allowed to buy art at ikea! it is not a quick fix. ikea doesn’t sell art anyway! they sell mass produced posters! smh @ art posers!!
5. if he has a pair of sheets that you HATE, and you happen to be on your period..bleed on his sheets. *shruggs* In hindsight, it may be a bit embarrassing, but a small price to pay to get what you want. jk jk. no really....JAAYY KAAAYY.
6. social anxiety happens when you’re not supposed to be where you are! So develop a higher opinion of yourself, so anywhere you are is the place to be!
7. being scared and being nervous are choices! So just say NO and do not engage in these life debilitating/crippling choices!
8. if you get everything waxed off , don’t go running errands around town in a mini skirt. you’re vagina can’t be trusted anything could fly out of it at any moment. without cute undies to prevent this from happening, you could have an uber embarrassing accident while looking for soup on the top shelf of aisle six in the super market and there’s a stock boy below you, restocking soup cans.
9. Jesus, what was # 8 all about? that was random, riiiight??? lol. *shruggs* RANDOMOSITY: its a way of life.
10. the phrase is: “couldn’t care less”! NOT, “could care less”! for example: “i hate my ex boyfriend so much, i COULDN’T care less if he fucked another girl!” the point is, you care SO LITTLE, you can’t possibly care any less than you already do. this phrase is misused all the time. i think beyonce even used it incorrectly in her last single. SMH *shaking finger* Now, now, beyonce. Now, now.
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