Where i'm from

i am from...
fresh baked pies and cookies...
and vegetable gardens...
i am from the beautiful landscape....
the beautiful yard behind the picketed fence...
amidst the perfect 4 bedroom home...

i am from the willow trees...
willows sagging and weeping for me...
from the lilac bushes...
and the rainbow of annual and perennial colors...

i am from Easter Egg hunts...
and alchoholism....
Grandma hung over
every Easter morning...

i am from Uncle Richie....
who came home strung out every Christmas Eve...
and fought mom at the family gathering...
and we were always the first to leave...

i am from Aunt Lily...
the "black sheep" of the family...
the baby
who had babies...
but would later saved my dad's life with the precious give of her kidney....

i am from Grandpa and Grandma Esquilin....
habitual alcoholics who taught me how to curse...

I am from...
generational curses of hypocrisy....
from depression and anxiety....
from "You can't ever tell anybody"....
from "Do as I say....and not as I do"....
from "Dry it up before I REALLY give you something to cry for"
... and...my favorite:
"this is going to hurt me....more than it hurts you...."

i'm from strong Puerto Rican heritage
.... from..."Siempre pide la bendicion"
... from ..white rice & fried eggs
from "Esta nina, ay dios!"...

i am from Grant Avenue....
from the beer store on the corner of 167 and Gerard....
the spot where my first succesful forgery occured...
where i wrote a note from my mother...
granting myself permission to purchase my first pack of beer
24 years later...
i've gone from beer to whiskey and hav no liver...
not realizing...
i was risking my life each and every time...

i am from
"i'm out of here" at age 14...
i am from
"Don't you come back"...
i am from...emancipation papers at age sixteen...
from...Keith Sweat...and Al B Sure...
from Ready for the World when i wasn't ready for SHIT....

i'm from drive by shootings and nights spent in jail...
from "You know I love you"... lies told...just so I could pay the bills....
i'm from...no longer loving who I saw in the mirror...
from attempting to dull the voices I could always hear...

i'm from "I do" at age 17...
from body worn out from repetetive miscarrying...
i'm from...
damn...
i aged way too fast...
i'm from...slow down...
make each moment last...
i am from...
the good
the bad
... more ugly
than pretty...

but

where I am from...
made me...
uniquely

I will embrace each and every
memory succinctly....